Earl shifts uncomfortably.
"Anonymous tips, Deck. Came through the state hotline."
Mini twist.
While they're setting up their equipment, I notice something that makes my blood boil.
The news reporter is interviewing someone just out of camera range.
I catch a glimpse of platinum-blonde hair and designer hiking boots.
Viv orchestrated this whole circus, complete with media coverage, to publicly humiliate me and pressure me into selling.
Time for some strategic counterintelligence.
I walk over to where the reporter is finishing her interview with Viv, who's wearing a concerned-citizen mask that would fool nobody who knew her.
"Excuse me," I interrupt politely. "I'm Declan Forester, the property owner. Since you're here covering this story, I'd like to share some information that might interest your viewers."
The reporter, young, eager, probably thinks she's uncovered environmental corruption, perks up immediately.
"Of course, Mr. Forester. What would you like people to know?"
I pull out my phone and show her a screenshot from my trail cameras.
"Well, I'd like them to know that the person who just gave you that interview has been trespassing on my property for weeks, photographing my home illegally, and I have video evidence of her discussing filing false reports with county agencies."
Viv's face goes white, then red, then somewhere approaching purple.
"That's... You can't... This is harassment."
"Ma'am," the reporter says, suddenly very interested. "Are you saying you have documented evidence of the complainant trespassing and discussing false reports?"
Before I can answer, Earl calls out from behind the cabin.
"Deck, you better come see this."
The hazmat team has set up their testing equipment around my septic system.
Rodriguez is holding some kind of electronic detector that should be beeping like crazy if there's contamination.
Instead, it's silent as a church mouse.
"Mr. Forester," Rodriguez says, pulling off his protective mask. "I've never seen readings this clean. Your system isn't just compliant, it's exceeding environmental standards by a significant margin. Whoever reported contamination was either grossly misinformed or deliberately lying."
Peterson, the building inspector, is equally confused.
"Sir, I've been doing this for 15 years. Your cabin's foundation is solid granite and steel construction that would meet today's earthquake standards. These reports claimed imminent structural collapse, but this building could probably survive a nuclear bomb."
The taste of vindication is sweeter than my morning coffee, but I'm not done yet.
"Gentlemen, if you're interested in actual environmental violations, you might want to test the runoff from those new mansions down the valley. I've noticed some unusual discoloration in the creek after heavy rains."
Knowledge nugget.
Anonymous complaints to government agencies can be traced through freedom of information requests, and false reports to environmental agencies constitute federal crimes with serious penalties.
Takeaway: When facing coordinated harassment through government agencies, document everything and remember that filing false reports is a crime that often carries heavier penalties than the violations they're claiming.
While the inspection team packs up their equipment, the news reporter corners me for a longer interview.
I give her copies of selected trail camera footage, explain the timeline of harassment, and suggest she might want to investigate the rapid approval process for the Pine Ridge development.
"This is quite a story, Mr. Forester. Mind if we do a follow-up piece about HOA overreach and harassment?"
"Ma'am, I'd be honored, but you might want to check your sources more carefully next time before showing up with hazmat teams."
As the convoy of official vehicles drives away, I notice Viv standing by her Range Rover, frantically talking on her phone.
The mountain wind carries fragments of her conversation.