“You are?”
“Yes.”
“I thought you’d enjoy that.”
“No.”
“He took money.”
“How?”
“We were traveling. Expenses.”
She wiped beneath one eye.
“I was paying for more than I realized.”
“Emily.”
“I know.”
“I’m not asking for the details.”
“I want you to understand.”
“I do.”
“No, you don’t.”
Her voice trembled.
“I quit my job.”
“I heard.”
“That was stupid.”
“Probably.”
“I thought we were building something.”
I said nothing.
“He left.”
“I know.”
“My friends are angry with me.”
“That can change.”
“My family is furious.”
“That can change too.”
“I can’t find work at the level I had before.”
“That will probably change.”
Emily stared.
“You really don’t hate me.”
“No.”
“Then why won’t you talk to me?”
I looked at her for a long moment.
“Because not hating you doesn’t mean I want you back in my life.”
Her expression crumpled slightly.
“I miss you.”
“I believe you.”
“I miss us.”
“I believe that too.”
She stepped closer.
“You were my best relationship.”
Something inside me hurt.
Not enough to change my answer.
“Maybe.”
“I see it now.”
“What?”
“What you gave me.”
I shook my head.
“That is not the reason we can’t try again.”
“Then why?”
“Because I don’t want a relationship where my value becomes obvious only after the alternative disappoints you.”
Emily closed her eyes.
“That’s not fair.”
“It is exactly what happened.”
“I was confused.”
“For a long time.”
“I thought Jake represented something I was missing.”
“I know.”
“I thought you were holding me back.”
“I know.”
“You weren’t.”
“No.”
She cried silently for a few seconds.
Then:
“Come back.”
“No.”
“Or let me come there.”
“No.”
“Just try.”
“No.”
Anger flickered.
Old reflex.
“So that’s it?”
“Yes.”
“Four years.”
“Yes.”
“All the things we did for each other.”
“They mattered.”
“Then how can you be this cold?”
I took a breath.
“I’m not cold.”
“You sound cold.”
“I’m clear.”
Emily wiped her face.
“What’s the difference?”
“Cold would be enjoying this.”
I looked at her.
“I don’t.”
“I wish you had not gone through what happened with Jake.”
“I wish you were doing better professionally.”
“I wish your family wasn’t fighting with you.”
“But none of those things make us compatible again.”
She stared at me.
“I changed.”
“I hope you did.”
“You don’t believe me.”
“I think you may have.”