I finally left.
D-Day plus twelve, Tuesday. I feel ready to face Jane now. I am still grinning while I type this.
Update 2
I didn’t expect to update so soon, but something important happened. I would like to share something my therapist told me. Do you remember that I started therapy because Jane suggested I had trust issues? Turns out, I don’t have any.
I am one step away from becoming a very gullible person, but my therapist noticed I have a lot of insecurities due to my obesity. Since I can remember, I was a chubby, nerdy guy at school. Never a boyfriend. Always the best friend.
I had my first girlfriend at 18, and she dumped me a week later for a better-looking guy. I went to an engineering high school, so there were few ladies. My next relationship was in my twenties with a very toxic girl who blamed me for everything, even for the rain. She really did a job on me, making me feel guilty for anything that popped into her mind.
Later, I started working because my family had money problems, and I didn’t have another relationship until I met Jane at university.
In the therapy session before the last one, we discussed my feelings about not having kids. My therapist has helped me put my priorities in order. Number one is me and everything that covers myself: physical health, the gym, eating well, intelligence, studying, learning, mental challenges, soul, beliefs, morals, and ethics.
Number two is the people who live with me, which used to be Jane. Number three is family and friends. Number four is work. Number five is leisure and entertainment.
The last session was about Jane. My therapist asked about my plans. I told her I would divorce Jane. She told me it was normal that I was in such distress because my priority number two was crumbling.
She said I would have to pass through stages similar to grieving death: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I had to Google them because I forgot them. I am in the bargaining stage because I keep thinking a lot of “what ifs.” For example, what if she really is remorseful?
What if we are the golden couple who survives infidelity? But the reality is that I will never trust her ever again. It would kill me knowing she was at home alone doing God knows what while I was at work. That would be torture for me.
Depression is a dangerous stage in my case because it could lead me to gaining weight again. I should stick to the gym and watch my diet closely. I hope this information helps people who are grieving.
Now, the update. I have been very busy. I applied for a promotion at work. I could have taken it a long time ago, but it demands a lot of traveling.
I feel it will help me heal to be away. I have also been looking for a new place to live, and I found one small apartment perfect for me. I already paid three months of rent in advance. I will move as soon as possible.
I haven’t seen Jane since D-Day or Baldi since that Monday, when I am sure he was fired. On the bright side, one of my neighbors, a lady in her fifties, met me in the condo elevator. She told me she hadn’t seen Jane lately. I told her we were splitting apart.
Then she happened to remember she was having a dinner and that her single niece was coming for a few days, and she invited me. It took me by surprise. Looks like I am in the market again.
My attorney told me Jane was going to be served last Friday, but we had some festivities in my country, so she was served last Sunday morning at my in-laws’ home. The following Monday, somebody, Jane, I guess, slid a letter under my door. Three sheets, front and back, from Jane, mainly explaining what led her to cheat.
Here we introduce the second villain in the story, a co-worker I will call Flirty. I met her sometimes at Jane’s work events, like Christmas or anniversary celebrations. She is really thin, almost skinny, and usually wears a lot of makeup. She also thinks every man wants to sleep with her.
One time, she told Jane I was staring at her. I did stare once because I could see her ribs, and I thought she looked unhealthily thin.
Anyway, according to Jane’s letter, when she lost weight, Flirty approached her because she wanted them to be best friends since they were the two “hotties” at work. That was when the brainwashing started. Flirty made her think she deserved a better man and was entitled to it.
Flirty told her I was a pathetic man who would try to own her now that she was hot. When the incident with the Smith machine happened, Flirty said to Jane, “See? Didn’t I tell you? He wants to be your owner more than your husband.”
Jane bought it. Due to Flirty’s manipulation, she was resentful toward me for months. When we attended the gym at different times, Jane met Baldi accidentally at the mall, and he approached her. She confessed she had a crush on a guy similar to Baldi before she met me.
She had never told me that before. They went for a bite, and they both flirted. Jane showed Flirty Baldi’s picture from Facebook, and Flirty told her she would be dumb if she didn’t sleep with him. She also said her pathetic husband, meaning me, didn’t compare with that Greek god.
Jane had the opportunity. She was eager. So she did it.
Baldi took her to his house, which coincidentally was close to the mall where they ran into each other. So she didn’t know it was Frank’s father’s house.
All of this happened nine months ago. Flirty is a professional cheater. She told Jane how to cover her tracks: the work-word codes, how to hide Baldi’s contact, and how to hide her map tracking history. She even told her that changing her phone password would be stupid because I would immediately suspect something.
Jane noticed Baldi hated when she talked about me. As punishment, he made hickeys on her body. Now I remember she started wearing pajamas to sleep because it was “cold.” He used to trash-talk me, but she never played along.
Meanwhile, Flirty used to tell her she was entitled to this romance and that I deserved to be cheated on because I was a beta. During those months, Jane said she liked the feeling of danger, the thrill, and that the sex with Baldi was good. But it also hurt her to see me struggle, trying to be a better husband, while knowing she was the reason for my pain.
It was easier to ignore me and continue with the pleasure Baldi gave her.
Then D-Day arrived. I completely blindsided her. She thought I was clueless.