I nearly spit out my coffee.
“He took her back?”
“Apparently.”
I sat at my desk, shaking my head.
Some people needed to experience the same lesson repeatedly.
Billie sent a message that evening.
“She moved out in the middle of the night without saying goodbye. Mom is finished with her. She is staying with Landon again, but the situation is already chaotic.”
I replied, “It is no longer my problem.”
That was true.
By the following month, I rarely thought about Minerva.
Then Billie sent one final update.
“Landon has been sleeping at a friend’s home. Minerva calls him continuously and says he abandoned her. She is discussing creating adult content online for money.”
I looked at the message and laughed quietly.
“Not my problem anymore,” I said aloud.
For the first time in months, I completely meant it.
Life became calm again.
Work remained stable.
The house stayed clean.
I could sit inside a silent room without expecting my phone to explode with another manufactured crisis.
Then, on an ordinary Tuesday night, an unknown number appeared.
I nearly ignored it.
Habit made me answer.
“Patrick?”
The voice was shaky.
“Who is this?”
“It is Landon.”
Hearing the name made me smile.
“Well, if it is not the fiancé. What happened?”
“I need help.”
His desperation was obvious.
That was a conversation I wanted to hear.
“Explain.”
“She refuses to leave.”
“Minerva?”
“She has been living here for two weeks and will not go. She says she will tell the police I assaulted her if I make her leave.”
I leaned back and attempted not to laugh.
“You cannot be serious.”
“I am completely serious. She keeps saying I owe her stability. I sleep on the couch because I do not want to be in the same room.”
“You proposed to her. This sounds like your responsibility.”
“That was before I understood what she was like. She lies about everything.”
His voice weakened.
“Please. How did you remove her so quickly?”
The situation felt surreal.
The same man who appeared on my porch demanding furniture was now asking for survival advice.
“All right. Do you want actual advice?”
“Yes. Anything.”
“Record everything.”
Landon became quiet.
“Audio, video, security footage, whatever you legally can preserve. Keep your phone near you.”
I continued.
“Do not argue. Do not touch her or move her property without following the correct process. If she threatens to make a false police report, contact the authorities first and clearly document what she said.”
“That is actually smart.”
“One more thing.”
“What?”
“Do not propose to a woman who still lives with another man.”
For once, he did not argue.
“You are right.”
His voice sounded defeated.
“I was an idiot. I am sorry.”
“Yes.”
Landon thanked me as though I had saved his life.
Then the call ended.
I assumed that was the last I would hear about their relationship.
Two days later, Billie called.
“Guess what your favorite person did.”
“Filed another lawsuit?”
“Worse. She told Landon she is pregnant.”
I became still.
“That cannot be real.”
“She claims she took a test. He panicked and promised to do the right thing.”
Billie paused.
“His roommates did not believe her.”
I waited.
“They recorded her speaking with one of her friends. The friend also knew Landon.”
“What did Minerva say?”
“She laughed and said, ‘He is easy to manipulate. Men panic when they hear the word baby.’”
My jaw dropped.
“She said that on a recording?”
“Clearly.”
Billie continued.
“Her friend asked what would happen if she actually became pregnant. Minerva replied that she was not going to damage her body for him.”
I began laughing.
The situation had moved beyond anything a reasonable person could invent.
“Landon’s roommates sent him the recording,” Billie said. “He confronted her, and she became hysterical.”
“She claimed it was a joke?”
“She said it had been taken out of context.”
“And then she threatened to call police?”
“Exactly. This time Landon called first.”
He reported that she refused to leave and was threatening false allegations.
Police arrived that night.
I almost felt sorry for him.
Almost.
Minerva eventually left the residence, but not before broadcasting a live video claiming she was escaping an abusive environment for the second time that year.
Then she telephoned Doris while crying.
“Where is she now?” I asked.
I already knew.
“Back with our parents.”
Billie sounded exhausted.
“Dad is furious. Mom is drained. They told her she may remain only until she gets a job.”
“I predict that arrangement lasts two weeks.”
“What happened to Landon?”
“Completely humiliated. His roommates are furious because they nearly lost the lease after Minerva repeatedly screamed through the walls.”
I laughed again.
“Karma has an excellent record,” Billie said. “You would think she might finally learn.”
“She will not. People like Minerva rarely reflect on their actions. They locate a new target.”
Billie became quieter.
“Mom is discussing therapy again. She believes Minerva may finally be forced to face herself.”
“I hope that happens.”
I did not believe it would.
Landon disappeared from social media.
Every photograph and post showing the couple vanished.
The roommates’ video circulated privately among mutual friends.
People learned that Minerva had falsely claimed pregnancy to manipulate him.
By the weekend, she had become a subject of local gossip pages.
Someone created a meme describing her as a romance scam with legs.
I did not comment or react.
I sat on my porch with coffee and listened to the security cameras operate quietly.
This time, Minerva could not control the story.
Billie sent another message that night.
“She is officially out of options. No employment, partner, vehicle, or independent home. She is back inside Mom’s spare bedroom.”
Minerva had returned to the beginning.
I slept better that night than I had in years.
Three months later, my life finally felt normal.
I had begun dating someone new.
Her name was Rebecca.
For once, being in a relationship did not feel like supervising a fully grown child.