“Oh yes. You see, when you sent me that text telling me to be gone when you returned, and when you called me a nagging old bat in front of witnesses, and when your girlfriend here called me a crazy old bat and said, ‘This isn’t over,’ well, that constitutes harassment, possibly threatening behavior.”
Amber had gone very quiet. Smart girl. Unfortunately for her, it was too late for quiet.
“Margaret thinks we have an excellent case for a restraining order that would prevent any of you from contacting me, coming within 500 feet of my new residence, or attempting to interfere with my business operations.”
“Your new residence?” Frank asked weakly.
I smiled and pulled out my car keys.
“Did I not mention? I bought a lovely condo downtown. Cash purchase, of course. Gated community, excellent security, and absolutely no space for ungrateful children or cheating husbands.”
That’s when I delivered the final blow of phase two.
“Oh, and Frank, you might want to check your email. The divorce papers were filed this morning. Since you never responded to any of the previous notifications, and since you’ve been committing adultery for three years, this is going to be what’s called an uncontested divorce. I get everything. You get nothing. And your girlfriend gets to learn what it’s like to date a broke, homeless, middle-aged man with terrible credit.”
I climbed back into my Honda Civic and started the engine, rolling down the window one more time.
“Have a wonderful day, everyone. And remember, I work hard, too. So, I deserve my new life.”
As I drove away, I could see them in my rearview mirror, standing on the empty lot like survivors of some natural disaster, trying to figure out what had just hit them. But I wasn’t done with them yet. Phase three was going to be even better.
Three weeks later, I was sitting in my new downtown condo, sipping wine on my balcony, overlooking the city lights, when my phone started ringing. The caller ID showed Jake’s number, and I actually debated whether to answer, but curiosity got the better of me.
“Hello, Jake.”
“Mom, we need to talk.” His voice sounded different. Tired, defeated, maybe. “Can I come over?”
“I’m sorry, but that’s not possible. There’s a restraining order. Remember, you’d have to stay 500 feet away from my building.”
“Mom, please. I know we screwed up. I know Dad screwed up, but this is getting out of hand.”
I took another sip of wine. Through my floor-to-ceiling windows, I could see the city sparkling below me like a jewelry box. My new life was beautiful, quiet, and completely mine.
“What exactly is getting out of hand, Jake?”
“Everything. Dad’s sleeping in his car. Amber moved back in with her parents and won’t take his calls. Sophie’s pretending this whole thing never happened, but she’s getting dragged on social media because someone posted video of the empty lot thing.”
“How unfortunate.”
I didn’t feel even a little bit sorry for any of them.
“And the loan company, they’re really aggressive, Mom. They’re calling Dad at work. I mean, at your company, and they’re threatening to garnish his wages.”
“That’s how debt collection works, Jake. You borrow money, you pay it back. If you don’t pay it back, they make you pay it back. Simple concept.”
“But he can’t afford the payments. Not with rent and car payments and everything else.”
This was the part I’d been waiting for. The part where they’d come crawling back, realizing exactly how much I’d been holding their lives together.
“Jake, let me ask you something. When your father was living in my house, eating food I bought, driving cars I paid for, and working at my company, how much did he contribute to household expenses?”
Silence on the other end of the line.
“I’ll tell you how much. Zero. Frank hasn’t paid for his own living expenses in over a decade. Everything he earned went toward his hobbies, his toys, his girlfriends. I paid the mortgage, the utilities, the insurance, the groceries, the maintenance. I subsidized his entire lifestyle while he told people he was a successful businessman.”
“Mom, I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t want to know. None of you wanted to know where the money came from as long as it kept coming. You just assumed I’d always be there, always paying the bills, always cleaning up your messes.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it? Jake, you’re 28 years old. You’ve never held a steady job, never paid rent, never even bought your own groceries. Your father is 55 and has never balanced a checkbook. Sophie makes money taking selfies, but has never paid her own insurance. You’re all financial children.”
I could hear him breathing heavily on the other end of the line.
“What do you want us to do?” he asked finally.
“I want you to grow up. I want you to learn what it feels like to work for something instead of having it handed to you. I want you to understand what I felt like for 28 years, being taken for granted by people who were supposed to love me.”
“Okay. Okay. I get it. We took advantage. We were ungrateful. But Mom, what’s done is done. Can’t we move forward? Can’t we be a family again?”
“We were never a family, Jake. We were a woman raising three grown men who treated her like hired help.”
That stung. I could tell. Good. Maybe it would motivate him to actually think about his life choices.
“So what now? You’re just going to let Dad be homeless? Let me go bankrupt?”
“Jake, I’m not letting anything happen. You’re adults making adult choices and facing adult consequences. This is called real life.”
“But you could help us. You have the money. The company’s doing well.”
And there it was. The real reason for the call. They weren’t sorry for how they’d treated me. They weren’t interested in making amends or rebuilding our relationship. They just wanted me to fix their problems and write them another check.
“You’re right,” I said calmly. “I do have money, and the company is doing very well. Tom Bradley is an excellent foreman, and without your father there to interfere with operations, we’re actually more efficient than we’ve ever been.”
“Wait, what do you mean without Dad there?”
Oh, that was interesting. Frank hadn’t told them about losing his job yet.
“Your father was terminated two weeks ago. Excessive personal calls during work hours, using company resources for personal business, and a pattern of inappropriate behavior that was affecting morale.”
“You fired Dad?”