“I’m working.”
“I need to talk.”
He sighed.
“Jess.”
“What?”
“I think we need some space too.”
I actually laughed.
“You’re abandoning me now?”
“I’m not abandoning you.”
“Everybody keeps saying that while walking away.”
“That’s not fair.”
“You came to my house.”
“You invited me.”
“You knew Liam hated you being there.”
“I knew he was uncomfortable.”
“And you came anyway.”
“Yes.”
“So you’re part of this.”
There was a long silence.
Then Julian said:
“I am.”
I had not expected that.
He continued.
“I should’ve said no.”
My anger faltered.
“But you didn’t.”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because I liked being the person you chose when he asked you not to.”
The sentence hurt.
“I never chose you over Liam.”
“Maybe not romantically.”
“Then what are you talking about?”
“You chose what I represented.”
“What?”
“Proof nobody could tell you what to do.”
I sat on the edge of my desk.
“You sound like him.”
“Maybe because he wasn’t completely wrong.”
My throat tightened.
“You think this is my fault?”
“I think fault is a useless word.”
“That’s convenient.”
“I think we’ve been pretending our friendship has no effect on your relationships because technically we stopped sleeping together years ago.”
“We did.”
“Yes.”
“That doesn’t mean the emotional part stopped.”
I said nothing.
Julian continued.
“You call me when you’re angry with whoever you’re dating.”
“You want me to tell you you’re right.”
“I do.”
“You feel better.”
“Then I leave.”
“And whoever you’re with has to repair the problem with you afterward.”
“That’s not fair.”
“It’s exactly what happens.”
I stood.
“You never complained.”
“I liked it.”
“At least I’m honest about that now.”
“So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying I don’t think I’m good for you right now.”
My eyes filled.
“You’re doing this because Liam left.”
“No.”
“I’m doing it because the way you used me at the party made me realize we stopped being friends a while ago.”
“What are we?”
“A habit.”
He apologized before hanging up.
I cried harder after that call than I had when Liam left.
Because losing Liam could still be framed as his choice.
Losing Julian forced me to look at mine.
Two weeks passed.
I continued going to work.
People complimented the house on video calls.
I stopped correcting them.
I slept in the guest room because the primary bedroom felt too large.
Liam came to the house once while I was at work.
He had given notice through the attorney.
He collected clothes, books, his woodworking tools, photographs, and several kitchen items that belonged to him before we met.
He left everything else untouched.
When I came home, the empty places looked surgical.
His books gone from one shelf.
His jackets gone from the closet.
His father’s old toolbox missing from the garage.
A rectangular dust outline remained where it had sat.
On the workbench, he left the spare house key.
No note.
That night, I finally called a therapist.
Dr. Priya Shah had an office near downtown.
I chose her because her website used the phrase “relationship patterns.”