That was what he told himself.
Back home, Jack placed the candy inside the top cupboard.
Then opened Lucy’s bedroom.
He had not entered for months.
Dust floated in afternoon light.
The wooden horse still stood near the bed.
Its red paint had faded.
The pale blue blanket remained folded at the foot.
A doll sat near the window.
Jack approached the bed.
He picked up the blanket.
Mary had sewn Lucy's initials in one corner.
L.C.
Jack closed his eyes.
For years he believed touching these things would preserve memory.
Eventually he understood the opposite.
He had turned the room into something memory could not survive inside.
A tomb.
Jack folded the blanket again.
Then did something he had never done.
He opened the curtains.
Sunlight filled the room.
He removed the dust sheet from the dresser.
Opened the window briefly to let fresh winter air inside.
Then closed it before the room became too cold.
He did not move Lucy's belongings.
Not yet.
But for the first time in six years, he cleaned around them.
Christmas morning arrived beneath heavy clouds.
Jack woke before dawn.
He fed the cattle quickly.
Changed his shirt.
Then changed it again because the first one looked too worn.
At 7:53, he heard a knock.
Sarah stood outside with Gracie.
Snow covered both of them.
“Road's getting worse,” Jack said.
Sarah looked back.
“It wasn't bad when we started.”
“Come inside.”
Gracie entered first.
Children do not understand sacred silence.
That was the first thing Jack remembered.
She stood in the entryway staring at everything.
Fireplace.
Stairs.
Clock.
Boots.
Then she whispered:
“Big.”
Sarah removed her coat.
Beneath it was the same burgundy dress Jack had seen earlier, freshly brushed and mended at one cuff.
Jack took her coat.
Sarah looked surprised.
He hung it near the stove.
“Kitchen's through there.”
“I remember.”
“You've been here?”
“No.”
She smiled.
“Most farmhouses don't hide their kitchens.”
Jack almost smiled too.
Gracie followed Sarah.
Jack stayed in the entryway.
Within twenty minutes, his house no longer belonged entirely to silence.
Sarah opened cupboards.
Moved pots.
Asked where he kept salt.
Asked why he owned four skillets but only one wooden spoon.
Jack told her he did not know.
She called that unacceptable.
Gracie sat at the kitchen table drawing circles in flour Sarah sprinkled before rolling dough.
At one point Gracie sneezed and sent a cloud of white powder across herself.
Sarah gasped.
Jack laughed.
It came out before he could stop it.
Everyone froze.
Jack most of all.
He could not remember the last time laughter had sounded like that in the kitchen.
Gracie looked at him.
Then laughed too.
Sarah smiled.
Not triumphantly.
Gently.
Jack walked outside before the feeling became too large.
He chopped wood that did not need chopping.
When he returned, the kitchen smelled like bread.
Real bread.
Yeast.
Butter.
Something with cinnamon.
Jack stood in the doorway.
Sarah looked over.
“You're blocking my light.”
He moved.
“Yes, ma'am.”
Her eyebrow lifted.
“Was that sarcasm?”
“Possibly.”
“Careful.”
Jack liked her.
That frightened him.
By noon, snow was falling heavily.
The pasture fence disappeared behind white.
Jack checked the road from the porch.
Visibility had dropped.
Sarah came beside him.
“We should probably leave before it gets worse.”
“No.”
She looked at him.
Jack realized how harsh that sounded.
“The road's already unsafe.”
“We can walk slowly.”
“With Gracie?”
Sarah looked toward the child sitting beside the fireplace.
“We've walked worse.”
Jack heard something inside those words.
He turned.
“How far are you staying?”
“Old Miller cottage.”
“That place is almost three miles.”
“Yes.”
“No.”