Because I don't know who I'd be without it. Clara propped herself up on one elbow. You'd be you. The guy who builds furniture and teaches kids to use power tools and shows up when he says he will. That's who you'd be.
That's who I want to be. So be that. It's not that simple. Why not? Because Ethan stopped trying to find the words.
Because I've spent my whole life being who everyone needed me to be. I don't know how to just be myself. So learn. You're learning sign language, aren't you? Learn this, too.
She made it sound so simple, like it was just a skill to acquire instead of a fundamental shift in identity. I'll think about it, Ethan said. Good. They fell asleep like that, still dressed, Clara's head on his chest, his arm around her shoulders. When Ethan woke up to sunlight streaming through the windows, it took him a moment to remember where he was and why everything felt different.
Then he looked down and saw Clara still sleeping beside him, her face peaceful, her hand resting over his heart. "This," he thought, "this is what I've been missing." Downstairs he found Jake and Lily already awake raiding the kitchen for breakfast. Jake was signing something to Lily who was giggling and signing back. "When did you learn to sign?"
Ethan asked. "YouTube," Jake said without looking up. "Also, Lily's teaching me. We're having a conversation about dinosaurs." "In sign language?"
"Duh. How else would we talk about it?" Ethan watched his son communicate effortlessly with Lily bridging the gap between their worlds like it was nothing. Kids made everything look so easy. Clara appeared in the doorway, her hair a mess, wearing one of Ethan's t-shirts she had apparently borrowed at some point during the night.
"Morning," she said. "Morning." They stood there grinning at each other like idiots while the kids made waffles and signed about paleontology. "This is weird, right?" Clara asked.
"Yeah, but good weird. The best weird. Definitely the best weird." Jake looked up from the waffle iron. "Are you guys just going to stand there being gross or are you going to help us make breakfast?"
"Gross how?" Ethan asked. "You're doing the thing where you stare at each other all mushy." "We're not mushy." "Dad, you're literally making heart eyes right now."
Lily signed something that made Jake crack up. "What did she say?" Clara asked. "She said you're both very mushy and also can we keep the waffles or do we have to share?" Jake translated.
They ended up making way too many waffles and eating them in the garden, all four of them sitting in the grass because the patio furniture was too formal. It was the best breakfast Ethan had eaten in his oversized house. Later, after Clara and Lily left, Jake helped him clean up. "Dad?" "Yeah, buddy?"
"I really like Clara and Lily. Me, too. Like a lot. Me, too. Are they going to be around for a while?
Ethan thought about how to answer that honestly. I hope so. Is that okay with you? Jake was quiet for a moment. Yeah, it's okay.
More than okay. Yeah? Yeah. You're happier when they're here, and Lily's cool. She knows stuff.
High praise. The highest. They finished cleaning in comfortable silence. Ethan thought about Clara's question from last night about who he'd be if he walked away from it all. Maybe it was time to find out.
The call from Sarah Chen came on a Tuesday morning while Ethan was arguing with a contractor about concrete specifications. He saw her name on the screen and his stomach dropped. "Tell me it's good news," he said, stepping away from the job site. "It's good news. The judge signed off.
As of today, Clara Bennett is Lily's legal mother. Full adoption, permanent, and irrevocable." Ethan had to sit down on a stack of lumber. "You're sure?" "I'm looking at the signed documents right now.
It's done. Lily's hers." Does Clara know? "I called her first. She cried for about 10 minutes, then asked me to call you."
How is she? "Happy, relieved, still crying when I hung up." Sarah paused. "You did a good thing here, Ethan. That kid's lucky."
Clara's the lucky one. Lily's the one who got the good deal. "I think you're all pretty lucky, actually." After he hung up, Ethan sat there for another 5 minutes, just breathing. It was done.
Lily was safe. Clara was officially a mother. He called his assistant. "Cancel everything for today." "Sir, you have the quarterly review at 2:00."
"Cancel it. Reschedule it. I don't care. I'm not coming in." "Mr. Mercer?"
"Janet, I'm taking the day off. The company will survive without me for 8 hours. He hung up before she could argue and drove straight to Clara's apartment. She opened the door with red puffy eyes and threw herself at him before he could say a word. "She's mine."
Clara sobbed into his shoulder. "She's actually mine." "Forever." "I know. Sarah called me."
"I can't believe it's real. I keep thinking someone's going to call and say there was a mistake." "There's no mistake." "You're her mom now. Legally, officially, permanently."
Clara pulled back, wiping her eyes. "Where's Lily?" "School." "I didn't want to pull her out until I could process this without completely falling apart." "You're allowed to fall apart."