Jake said the old group chat had become quiet. Adrien still responded sometimes, but wedding planning and travel made him less available. Khloe was adjusting to a new city, Tasha and Finn were trying to figure out how to be a couple without an audience, and Marissa kept suggesting gatherings to revive what they'd once had. I listened without asking for more details, because the situation was starting to feel like something happening in a room I'd already left.
There was a time when news like that would have felt like vindication. She had said her friends would always be there after me, and now their plans were changing in ways she couldn't control. But I wasn't interested in imagining her lonely or embarrassed, and I didn't want her friendships to fail to prove a point about ours. The sad thing wasn't that the squad had stopped functioning exactly as it did in college. The sad thing was that Marissa had mistaken change for disloyalty and treated people accordingly.
One Tuesday evening, Sarah and I had dinner reservations at a small Italian restaurant downtown. It was the kind of place where the tables sat close together and a waiter could recommend a bottle of wine without making you feel ignorant for asking the price. We had both had long days, and I was looking forward to a meal that didn't need to prove anything about our relationship. I put my phone away as soon as we were seated, then asked Sarah how her meeting with a school principal had gone.
She told me about a class visit that nearly fell apart because the bus company had confused two pickup addresses. I listened while she described the frantic phone calls, the teacher who made the whole situation funny, and the children who asked whether the museum had any dinosaurs. I was laughing when the waiter brought water, and for the first half hour I barely noticed the people around us. Then I glanced toward the rear of the dining room and saw a familiar face.
Marissa was sitting at a corner table with Tasha and Finn. Adrien and Khloe were absent, though their absence would have been obvious even if I hadn't already heard about the changes in the group. Marissa looked thinner than I remembered and wore a dark green sweater I had once helped her choose. For a moment, a dozen memories rose at once, so quickly that I almost lost track of the conversation in front of me.
Sarah noticed. "Everything okay?" she asked.
"My ex is at the table near the back," I said quietly. "With two of her friends."
Sarah glanced in that direction without making it obvious. "Do you want to leave?"
I considered it. There was nothing shameful about avoiding an uncomfortable encounter, and I knew I could ask Sarah to go somewhere else without needing to justify it. But we'd already ordered, the restaurant was busy, and I didn't want Marissa's presence to decide our evening. I told Sarah I'd rather stay if she was comfortable, and she nodded and returned to the story she was telling.