"Good."
"She told me remorse that requires the injured person to fix you is just another burden you put on them."
That sounded like Helen.
Ryan rubbed one thumb along the side of his cup.
"I lied to Ashley. I lied to you. I used your travel as an excuse because it let me avoid saying that I wanted attention and admiration I wasn't mature enough to ask for honestly. And when I got it, I acted like wanting it made me entitled to it."
The words were not magic.
They did not repair anything retroactively.
But I believed he meant them.
"Why now?" I asked.
"Because I finally understood that if I never said it to you, I was still making you carry a version of the story where maybe you caused it."
My throat tightened.
He looked directly at me.
"You didn't cause the affair, Valerie. Our marriage had problems. I had complaints. You had complaints."
"I could have talked, asked for counseling, asked for separation, filed for divorce. Instead I built two lives and blamed you for the distance I was creating. That was mine."
I looked toward the cafe window.
Outside, a woman pushed a stroller while trying to hold a phone between her shoulder and ear. A delivery driver balanced three paper bags. The ordinary world continued.
"Thank you," I said.
Ryan nodded.
His eyes were wet.
"I don't expect forgiveness."
"I forgive parts of it. Some days. That's probably as specific as I can be."
He gave a small sad smile.
"Fair."
"Are you okay?"
He seemed surprised I asked.
"I'm getting there. The company is stable. I sold the boat."
"I heard."
"Of course you did. Monica has a better intelligence network than the federal government."
I laughed before I could stop myself.
For a second, the old Ryan appeared in the shape of the joke.
Then the moment passed.
"I hope you build something better," I said.
"You mean the company?"
"No."
He understood.
We finished our coffee.
When we stood, he did not try to hug me.
I appreciated that.
At the door, he said, "For what it's worth, when I saw you standing at that airplane door, I knew everything was over."
I looked at him.