I gave him something in between.
"My ex-husband had a relationship with someone else and lied about it for a long time. I found out because he boarded a flight I was working with her on his arm."
Michael stared at me.
"You're serious."
"Unfortunately."
"That sounds like a scene someone would reject from a movie for being too obvious."
I laughed.
"It felt less entertaining in person."
He became serious.
"I'm sorry."
"Thank you."
He did not ask what Ryan looked like.
He did not ask whether I had humiliated him on the airplane.
He did not ask whether Ashley was prettier than me.
Instead he said, "If we keep seeing each other, are there things that situation makes difficult for you that I should know?"
The question nearly scared me more than any red flag would have.
It required an honest answer.
"Secrecy that doesn't need to exist," I said. "If you change plans, tell me. If something is wrong, don't make me guess. And if you decide this isn't working, I would rather hear an ugly truth than a beautiful delay."
Michael nodded.
"I can do that."
Then he added, "And if I can't someday, I'll tell you that too."
That was not a romantic promise.
It was better.
We dated slowly.
I did not make him proof that I had recovered.
He did not make himself responsible for injuries he had not caused.
The first time he traveled for work, I noticed my body become alert in ways that embarrassed me. His flight was to Chicago. He told me where he was staying because it came up naturally, not because I demanded it. That evening he texted a photograph of a terrible hotel sandwich and complained about the mustard.
I stared at the message and felt ridiculous relief.
The next day, I told Maya.
"I hate that I cared."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to become suspicious."
"Were you suspicious?"
"I noticed the fear."
"Those are different things."
Another distinction.
Healing, apparently, was largely a collection of distinctions I should have been taught earlier.
I told Michael eventually too.
"When you traveled, part of me expected something bad."
He did not get defensive.