Emma:
When I’m with you, I feel alive in a way I haven’t felt in years.
Alex:
That’s not something I want to hear unless you’re prepared to understand what it means.
Emma:
I don’t know what it means.
Alex:
Then don’t blow up your life for me.
That message mattered.
Alex was participating.
Clearly.
But he was not promising her a future.
Several times, he told Emma to figure out what she wanted before expecting anything from him.
That should have made me feel better.
It didn’t.
It showed me the actual situation.
Emma was not leaving me because another man had promised her a new life.
She was asking for space so she could investigate whether a different life might be better.
I was the stable option being asked to wait while she evaluated another one.
Then I reached the physical part.
Alex:
Still thinking about last night.
Emma:
Which part?
Alex:
You know which part.
Emma:
The kiss?
Alex:
Among other things.
I closed my eyes.
A kiss.
Maybe more.
I continued reading.
Emma:
We shouldn’t do that again.
Alex:
Agreed.
Two days later:
Emma:
I want to see you.
Alex:
That lasted.
Emma:
Shut up.
Another dinner.
Another kiss.
Nothing in the messages explicitly described sex.
That distinction mattered to me later.
At that moment, it changed almost nothing.
The relationship itself was already real.
Then came the lies.
Emma:
Told Michael I’m with Sophie.
Alex:
Does Sophie know she’s your alibi?
Emma:
No, and don’t call it that.
Alex:
What should I call it?
Emma:
Temporary cowardice.
Alex:
At least you’re self-aware.
Another night.
Emma told me she had a client event.
She was with Alex at a wine bar.
Another.
She said she was working late.
Dinner with Alex.
Then the night before.
Emma:
Last night was exactly what I needed. Thank you for understanding me in ways he never could.
Alex:
You were upset.
Emma:
I’ve been upset for months.
Alex:
Then you need to deal with it.
Emma:
I know.
Alex:
I mean it. I’m not going to be the secret alternative forever.
Emma:
I need time.
Alex:
Time for what?
Emma:
To figure out my situation with Michael.
Alex:
Before the wedding.
Emma:
Obviously.
Alex:
Then do it soon.
Emma:
I’m thinking of asking for space.
Alex:
That’s between you and him.
Emma:
And what happens with us during that space?
There was a six-minute gap.
Alex:
I’m not promising you anything, Emma.
Emma:
I know.
Alex:
Do you?
She never answered.
That was the final message.
I sat at the kitchen table for almost twenty minutes.
My emotions came in waves.